“Dear father, Our 15-year-old son, William, has just been selected to play for his local rugby team. The difficulty is that matches are scheduled for Sunday mornings. We have always attended the 11am Mass at our parish. Nothing is more important to me than the Mass, and I strongly believe that we should practise as a family. Should I require William to continue to attend with us?”

No! You are absolutely correct to give priority to the Mass and to recognise that the ideal is that the family should practise together. However, if you force a teenage boy to choose between Sunday Mass attendance and the sport for which he cares passionately, then the probability is that he will resent both his parents and the Church. You may be able to force William reluctantly to join you for the next three years, but then there is a significant probability that he would lapse from the practice of his faith the moment he goes off to university.

This is not to say that William should be excused Sunday Mass attendance. Presumably, he has recently been confirmed. You can gently remind him that this is a personal commitment which he has now owned for himself. However, we need to be creative – and possibly to make sacrifices.

Your dilemma is far from unique. There are many Catholics who have not rejected their faith nor attachment to the Church. Yet a highly secular and frenetic society places so many pressures upon them. Sometimes with real regret, sometimes without appreciating at the time what is happening, they fall away from any regular commitment to sacramental practice because they have work or other commitments on a Sunday.

Rightly, the Church insists on the obligation of Sunday Mass attendance where the individual Catholic is able to fulfil this. “Man cannot live on bread alone.” The very fact that our society is so secular and so active means that more than ever we need the graces received in Holy Communion to function and flourish. We need to pray and to listen to Scripture and the teaching of the Church. In a very mobile and fragmented society, we need to form strong communities, such as the parish, where we give and receive help and encouragement. I am sure that William will appreciate this.

Where the Church imposes the obligation of Sunday Mass attendance, she must also provide the means of allowing Catholics to fulfil this obligation. I appreciate that the situation can be very different in cities from that in the country. In London, at least, there are plenty of Mass times to choose from, often in the same parish; if not, then certainly in neighbouring parishes. It is unlikely that you will have to travel very far to find a Vigil Mass on a Saturday evening or a Sunday evening Mass. Indeed, many priests are reporting increased numbers at Sunday evening Masses precisely because parishioners, often the young, have other commitments earlier in the day. These Masses can, therefore, have the healthiest age profile, and it is possible that William may find a number of his contemporaries there.

Congratulate William on his selection for his local rugby team and offer him encouragement in this. Teenage boys tend to have their own deeply rooted sense of what is fair. If he can see that you support him in his sporting commitments and have been flexible in terms of which Mass you attend, hopefully he will accompany you more willingly.

It is also a good time to think about what opportunities exist for teenage Catholics, and to discuss these with William. Various Catholic movements offer residential conferences to young adults from the age of 16 or 18. For example, the Faith Movement have summer and winter conferences respectively at Ampleforth College and Stonyhurst College, while Evangelium has an annual summer conference at the Oratory School, Reading. In addition to the Mass, prayer and talks, sport and social life are an important component of these gatherings. Then, from the age of 18, William will also be able to attend World Youth Days, at which millions of young Catholics from across the globe gather to meet with the Holy Father.

Often it is at events such as these, in the company of their peers, that young people discover that the practice of their faith is relevant and enjoyable. They form friendships which support them in a world which can otherwise be hostile or threatening.

It is not easy raising teenagers in the practice of the faith, and I admire your commitment to do so. There are, however, resources to aid you in this. Talk to other parents about their experience. Discuss issues of faith with William, showing him how these influence the decisions we must make. Listen to his point of view. Do not be afraid to challenge him, if necessary. He may not always be willing to engage, but if he feels that he is treated as an adult, there is more chance that he will respect and continue to share your faith. Above all, hold him in prayer before the Lord.