I have always considered myself to be agnostic. Even though my mother was baptised an Anglican and my father a Catholic, I grew up in a very secular household with no relationship to the Church or God.
At 19, I met my first Catholic friend, and had my first encounter with the Catholic Church. We went travelling with her family in my early 20s, visiting Florence, Assisi and Paris. I saw the relics of saints and reluctantly bathed in the waters of Lourdes. In truth, the experience was wasted on me. I did not appreciate it and I did not understand it.
I did not seek the Church, nor did I encounter it in any meaningful way. But I did stay in touch with my Catholic friend. During the lockdown in 2020, like many people, I looked for something to do to fill my time and picked up painting again after many years. At the same time, my friend had become a more devout Catholic and asked if I would paint Jesus for her, which I agreed to do.
While painting Jesus, I felt drawn to learn more about Him. I began researching Him, and the more I read, the more I wanted to find out. I kept feeling this pull towards the Church, but I could not understand why.
In 2025, in response to this call to the Church and to Jesus, I started listening to Fr Mike Schmitz’s Bible in a Year. All of a sudden, the Bible and the teachings of Christ began to make sense. Yet I still felt nervous about contacting a Catholic church.
Then something happened which I can only describe as divine providence. In the podcast, Fr Mike said: “Do not put off till tomorrow what you can do today.” In that moment, it felt as if God was speaking directly to me and calling me to the Church. So I found my local Catholic church, Our Lady Help of Christians in Blackheath, and attended a weekday Mass.
That was when my life changed. I began attending weekly Mass and started RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults) in November. I cannot get enough of learning about Christ and the Catholic Church. I consume everything I can, podcasts and books, and I have learnt so much through RCIA.
Alongside being educated in the Catholic faith, I have developed an intimate relationship with Christ through prayer, especially Eucharistic adoration. The first time I went to adoration at my parish, I could not believe the peace I felt afterwards, or the calmness in my heart and mind. After explaining this experience to my catechist, Margaret, and how I had become consumed with learning about and knowing Christ, she told me about St Patrick’s Church in Soho, where I now volunteer and regularly attend adoration.
I now go to adoration every week, and it brings me such peace to be in the presence of Jesus in the Eucharist. It is a contentment I have never felt before. My whole life, I felt as though I was searching for something outside myself to fill an internal void. I thought I could never fulfil it, until I met Christ. Christ brings wholeness. He fills that void I have been searching for, even when I did not realise it, my whole life.
Since encountering Christ, I have realised that in the past anything I tried to use to find peace provided only temporary relief. It never lasted; it always faded. But with Christ, I feel lasting peace, lasting joy and lasting contentment.
I now bring my vulnerabilities, my worries and fears, my whole self, to Christ in prayer. Of course, I still struggle. Sometimes I feel guarded or reluctant to open my heart to God, especially if I think I have done something displeasing to Him. I can feel the urge to withdraw. That is because sometimes we expect God to react as others have in our lives. But through prayer and study, I have come to realise how important it is to resist this urge and embrace the truth that God is all good and that we can bring anything to Him.
We do not need to be reluctant or withdrawn, because He is always there for us, waiting for us, however we are. He will never let us down. I feel as though I am on a journey of learning to trust God’s unconditional love, which I hope, in time, I will be able to do more fully. It is why I look forward to receiving the sacraments, so that I can draw closer to Him.
Once I am received into the Catholic Church, I intend to use my artistic skills to glorify God. I remember one of my priests mentioning in a homily that we should use the gifts God has given us to glorify Him and spread the Gospel. I have started an art piece titled “Sacraments of Mercy”, inspired by a passage from Saint Faustina’s diary, whom I am choosing as my confirmation saint. The piece will explore how God gives us the gift of His mercy through the sacraments. It will be about inviting people to know Christ, as my friend invited me. It may or may not be successful, but that does not matter. God has given my life purpose, and I am happy.
I am going back to Lourdes the Monday after my baptism, where I intend to prayerfully encounter Christ. It feels as though I have come full circle, and I know that, with Christ in my heart, the experience will be profound this time. Encountering Christ has changed my life, and I will spend my life inviting others to know His love too. And with my heart filled with hope, even if they do not accept Christ at the first invitation, I know that if they continue to be invited, the void in their lives will eventually be filled by Him.
