“A video recently went viral when an Italian priest in Ireland stepped in to cut short a eulogy at a funeral Mass. I thought the priest was within his rights to do so. My wife, who is Irish, strongly disagreed, thinking the priest rude and completely out of order. Which of us is right?”
You are right. Strictly speaking, a eulogy has no place in a funeral Mass. We would think it very odd if a person came up from the pews and gave a personal reflection at any other Mass. A funeral Mass should be no different. Having said that, it would be a very brave priest – or an Italian member of one of the new movements – who tried to prevent a eulogy. At least in the Anglophone Western world, eulogies can be the norm at funeral Masses. A few dioceses have banned eulogies at funerals, but, in the absence of clear directives from the bishop, this issue can be a minefield for parish priests to navigate.
A eulogy is an address in praise of the deceased. It has been imported into the Catholic liturgy from non-Catholic memorial services. The controversy has arisen because people, including practising Catholics, fail to appreciate the purpose of a funeral Mass. We see this when orders of service are entitled “A celebration of the life”, rather than “Funeral or Requiem Mass”.
A funeral Mass, based on the doctrine of the Resurrection, is the offering of the Holy Sacrifice of the Mass, the prayer of Our Lord Himself upon the Cross, seeking His intercession with the heavenly Father for the forgiveness of the sins of the deceased, to speed their path to Heaven. There is nothing more important or necessary we can do for our deceased loved ones. When people no longer understand this, they can request secular music and poems and deliver inappropriate eulogies.
Of course, this is not to say that the funeral Mass should be impersonal, ignoring the life and characteristics of the deceased. Most priests will weave this into their homily, where they seek to expound the truths of the Faith and hold out the hope of eternal life. The personality of the deceased may also be reflected in the choice of scripture readings and sacred music.
Eulogies can also be problematic for practical reasons. It is possible to deliver a good, brief eulogy, capturing the essence of the deceased within the context of faith. Yet it is rare to hear this. Most people are not good public speakers and find it difficult to summarise the life of the deceased in a few well-chosen words. This is particularly true when they may be emotional and grieving. Congregations become restless during lengthy eulogies. Either they already know the details of what is being said – or they know it is not true! Eulogies can also sometimes be divisive – either with respect to the person chosen to deliver them or when there are family disputes.
When people are not well catechised, the content of the eulogy can be at odds with our faith. The person delivering the eulogy will often declare that the deceased is already in Heaven – which, of course, they do not know. If it were true, then there would be no need for the funeral Mass. The deceased would already be a saint and we should be seeking their prayers, rather than offering prayers for the repose of their soul.
What do we do in the situation in which we find ourselves? Some parishes suggest that any eulogy is delivered before the funeral Mass begins. While it seeks to remove the eulogy from the Mass, this too can be problematic. If something theologically wrong or personally divisive is said, it can be difficult to retrieve the situation subsequently. Liturgically, the better option is for any eulogy to be given (and secular music played) at a wake in the house the preceding evening or at the reception after the funeral.
If eulogies are permitted at the Mass, clear guidelines need to be offered – just one eulogy and one speaker. A maximum of five minutes, otherwise the whole structure of the funeral liturgy is unbalanced. (Lengthy eulogies are the bane of funeral directors when crematoria and cemeteries operate to tight schedules.) Most people find it difficult to limit themselves once in the sanctuary. They should stick to a written script – no more than a couple of sides of A4. Some priests request that the text is submitted to them for approval in advance of the funeral. If the eulogy is given in church, probably the best time is after the Post-Communion Prayer and before the Final Commendation and the coffin leaves the church.
The prevailing situation is far from ideal and can, as you have experienced, be a source of conflict. With most funerals, however, the issue is handled sensitively and, after explaining the reasons for the Church’s position, most families are entirely reasonable. Of course, we are not required to have a eulogy and this is something you may wish to specify in any instructions you are leaving relating to your own funeral.
