‘My parish priest gives the impression that he is irritated by hearing my Confession. This upsets me. My first reaction was to stop going to Confession, but I know that would be wrong. Should I go to another priest?’
Every priest is ordained first and foremost to offer Mass, hear Confessions and preach the Gospel. There is nothing more important in his priestly ministry. Of course, there may be occasions when it is impossible for him to hear a Confession at that particular moment; otherwise, he should make himself readily available. This means offering the sacrament at advertised times convenient for parishioners, being in the confessional at those times and being willing to hear Confessions at other mutually convenient times.
The priest’s demeanour in the confessional should ideally be one of solemnity and joy, denoting the gravity of sin and the gift bestowed by Our Lord on his priests of taking away that burden through the words of absolution. Of course, priests are human. In charity, we should be prepared to make allowances for the fact that a priest may be exhausted, unwell or facing his own difficulties. Persistent irritation, however, is a problem that can discourage penitents from approaching the sacrament.
This is not to justify the priest, but we should ask ourselves whether we are in any way responsible for his irritation. For example, it is not unknown for penitents to be praying in church throughout the advertised times of Confession while the confessional is empty, then rush at the very moment the priest needs to leave for Mass or Benediction. There are some penitents who seem to find it easier to confess the sins of others rather than their own. Then there is the sad case of scrupulosity: those penitents who find it difficult to accept God’s forgiveness, returning continually and at very short intervals with sins they have confessed previously, believing that they might have forgotten to mention some detail that could affect the validity of the absolution they received. Of course, none of these possibilities excuses irritability on the part of the priest. If he has concerns, he should raise them charitably with us in the confessional to allow us to accept them or put our own point of view.
If, on reflection, you don’t think any of the above examples apply in your case, then you could ask to speak to the priest. Seek to be charitable. Ask the priest if all is well with him or if there is anything you can do to help. If you are finding him irritable, others may be doing so too. Some priests, like other human beings, are not always conscious of how they present themselves to others. He may be horrified by what you tell him and take steps to remedy the impression immediately.
Simply raising the issue may serve to resolve the problem. It may not. If the priest rejects your approach and you find that he continues to display irritability when you next use the sacrament, then you can, and probably should, seek to find another confessor.
Precisely to encourage Catholics to make regular use of the sacrament, and to ensure that it is readily available, the current Code of Canon Law provides that you are free to confess your sins to, and receive absolution from, any priest holding faculties. It does not even have to be a Latin-rite priest, so, for example, you would be entitled to approach a Greek-rite Catholic if the circumstances suggested.
If you arrive at the point where you feel the need to seek the sacrament elsewhere, do your research. Find out the times of Confession in other parishes. Ensure that you would be able to make use of the sacrament there regularly without undue inconvenience.
Absolution is valid provided the priest holds the necessary faculties and the conditions of the sacrament are satisfied. Yet, precisely because we are revealing some of the most intimate and difficult areas of our lives, it is not surprising that penitents may wish to establish a certain rapport and level of trust and empathy with their confessor. You may, therefore, wish initially to visit a few churches for the sacrament. However, having found a confessor with whom you feel comfortable both personally and in terms of his ministering the sacrament with the mind of the Church, continue to make use of that priest as far as possible. Some penitents, particularly in large cities, possibly for reasons of embarrassment, continually move from one confessor to another. Again, the absolution they receive is valid, but this does not allow the confessor the opportunity to offer the spiritual advice they may require if he is unable to establish any context or determine whether progress is being made in the spiritual life.
Well done for making use of the sacrament of Confession. There is no genuine growth in the interior life without it. Well done for determining to continue to make use of it despite the difficulties you might have encountered. May the Lord help you in your search for a new confessor.
